pweeze lemmme wite ! pretty pweez

HAVE you heard of the saying "you have to fight for what you want "? or maybe it isn't a saying at all. hmmmm .... regardless, that is precisely what we have to do ( or more so ,i have to do) . any venture i try to embark on,any little whim or fancy i decide to gratify , i have to battle with forces unlimited .
how excruciating is it to be able to smell , caress and almost grab your port of call , and not quite manage the feat . this feeling keeps on lingering and transforming into newer shapes and sizes, the only thing that remains constant is , it is wholly present. let me explain in detail ( ok you are only allowed one {oh god!} per blog) this phenomenon i talk of is a common factor which inhibits us to function as we please. i may be given the liberty to divide this factor , which is a cluster of various elements , into classes or subdivisions so as to look at it scientifically and also making it easier to propose a suitable remedy

let me also name them in the name of science { ok i permitted one oh god !!!! please note it down somewhere}
the first shall be called

Samaajh ki devar ( Urdu phrase. literal meaning: Wall of society . Philosophical connotation : superimposed cultural rules , norms and taboos.

this factor is predominant in all our classes. especially the middle class.( alas! the most sandwiched and affected of all the echelons )
i unfortunately are a sore product of such a genre. as i have continually ( if i may say so my self rather irritatingly ) harped on my intense love of the arts ,it will come as no surprise that i have had to deal with the most vehement opposition regarding this indulgence . Acting is regarded as third rate and given no category ,meaning its isn't even seen as a profession . ahem , the worst of all i modeled as well ( still do :)) which made me quite the celebrated outcast . as i was written of by many self proclaimed respectable pillars of society , i started to ruminate . all the persons judging me, materialized as insignificant in every sense of the word. they mean sh## to me and my life. the whole ado about "what will people say ?" is quite unnecessary . if your actions aren't hurting some one physically or any one you truly hold in esteem , then by all means go for it. society should learn to live and let live .

Waalidain ke Farmabardari ( Urdu phrase : literal meaning: obedience of parents: deeper connotation : being coerced to do every thing with parental consent only)

This particular constituent affected me mildly. there was strict raj on me during my teenage days but it fizzled out eventually as i turned out to quite the model bacha with no black sheep tendencies or coquettish charms ,characteristic of girls of that age. my educational preferences were never questioned , my friends never posed an immoral threat and my attire ( clothes are a big issue in Muslim countries) always appropriate ( though a big no no fashionably speaking) this wasn't at all the scenario around me though. My peers were under constant dire scrutiny . they had to be ,do and become however their parents wanted. Whether it be a professional choice like doctor ,engineer ,chartered accountant or no matter what the family business enabled them to be, or the choice of a life partner. It was and is still mandatory to take parental approval over all such decisions . Even our religion affords us the right to choose but the axe of thy parents is forever hanging on our heads . Parents have an absolute right to debate but in a somewhat logical perspective ( he or she not belonging to the same sect , or is dark or has a pug nose do not come under rational reasoning) unnecessary imposition leads to stronger barriers persistent distancing and ill feeling . I think parents shouldn't be totally pal like but somewhat open minded . Every individual needs to blossom on his or her own to fare well in this mad bad world. All the smothering, overprotection and Hitler-ish behavior hampers the development of the offspring . I fail to comprehend the need to make one's children absolute replicas of themselves or in accordance with certain archaic principals followed to the letter . I haven't a clue as to how this specific pressure can be countered . do you?

Zameer Ki Unginat Awaazain(Urdu phrase. literal meaning : innumerable voices of the conscience. Essential substance : self allocated censors and parameters.

This is the most lethal of them all . You can escape society ,you can dodge the ancestral ball
but the battle within is the toughest to tackle. ( for certain people this may not be a dilemma at all , in consequence to the absolute absence of even the tiniest bit of scruples) for me it is the worst , not that i am claiming to have supernatural application of compunction, i do have guilt pangs the size of meteors though. i know the easiest way to go is the wrong way , but then who is the judge of what is right or wrong. these are ambiguous ideas and extremely subjective . Getting back to the original inspiration behind my blubbering, the things i want to do like writing for instance, i can't, as i feel the time i am giving to this hobby of mine should be actually spent on Anaya. Hence guilt plagues me . i want to go out have fun feel free relax but every little thing is a big deal and i forbid myself. When i get on with my work out ( which i try to do at home ) Anaya calls out mama and lo and behold i see myself being wrenched away from my time, to be with her . Even writing it out makes me feel like a horrible mother who doesn't love her child .Logically i know i do and try my level best to be an exemplary parent but how to reason with my inner stern self. I believe that i ought to balance my time and prioritize. That would help right? Sigh khair i believe with time it fades or not i shall have to see . I come to realize though that as mothers or even some very amazing fathers , you have to retain a bit of your selves or carry out you own desires from time to time , to stay happy . It is a difficult task but tell your self that it is in the best interests of your children as you could become bitter and start blaming them for your self restraints . In addition to this a positive role model should be available for them in your form (wow i am seeing the light ) .

To end the charade , i would like to say that , judiciousness is good in moderation . take from your parents, the society and THEN translate and refine it to a healthier you . The choices you make should not detrimental to others in question or also primarily to your self . the rest is well yours to ponder upon i merely proposed a hypothetical question .Please don't kill the messenger . Be safe and sound, till my next round, i bid temporary farewell.